to stay human is to break a limitation
– from The Beauty of a Husband, Anne Carson
This journal entry concerns the work we were doing on my final ‘work-camp’ in Iceland – constructing a dry-stone wall at the top of a 500m ‘mountain’, often in very difficult weather conditions. Our hosts during this period included a district manager called Thorvaldur and his brother. The men had grown up beside the mountain and were putting us up in the traditional-style cottage where they had been born. The cottage and mountain were located in a very wild and desolate area of eastern Iceland.
What does a photograph mean? A wedding photograph? What does a stone mean? Or a wall? Nothing if you can’t read the signs. There are signs everywhere and people who can read them, but lots of them can’t. Most of us don’t ever really take the time to really observe the things that surround us in ordinary life, but for some people that’s all they ever do.
Take Thorvaldur for instance; he is a very quiet man. He spends most of his time, I realise now, doing what we do every day, but for amusement and for, yes, love. What we call work, even hard labour, is for him just another morning’s jaunt up the mountain. What is he looking for? That I will never know. He is like a sheep. By that I do not mean that he is a follower, rather that his silent manner, his wide, roving eyes with their huge discy blue irises, remind me of a sheep. His way of looking at his feet as he trudges up the mountain, the way he laughs at jokes only he hears, the way he casts his eyes up towards the sky and out across the heath, are not behaviourisms that you can learn. They are acquired, acquired from long experience of life outside of the comfort of the place most people call home. They are outside, even, of language. For Thorvaldur, even Hverhagi – a place that he clearly adores, and will always be his final resting place – is not really his home. His home is the moor and heathland outside, it is the rocky mountainside, the mossy bank. Tap water will never be the good enough, only the pellucid water from the gurgling brook so fresh that you can still taste the rock in it, is real water, and thus, inherently good for you.
His quest with us up the mountain each day to the stone-yard, is at heart a very mysterious business to me. It represents a journey he has done a thousand times before. It is a recapitulation, a ritual, a repetition; but it is also an open process, which admits for new possibilities. Each time I walk behind him, up another invisible mountain trail that only he can see, he points out new things to me: do you see that patch of light green grass? That’s what they used to turf houses with in the old times. They were rush grasses. Do you see these light patches? He pointed to clearly visible patches of nude scrubby mountainside, denuded of moss, flowers and shrubs. That’s were the reindeer have eaten the grass. Do you see this plant? He points in a particular direction at the ground, I must kneel to discover what he wants to show me, a microscopically small, furry item of flora. The sheep love it, so it is very difficult to find. If you let sheep onto a new piece of land, it is always the first thing they eat.
His understanding of this place, his habitat, it almost total; or at least as complete, I guess, as one person can understand that land in which he was reared. He is his father’s son; the shepherd, the husbander, the odd-job-man; not like his brother, PhD in Civil Engineering. I can only guess at how suffocated F must have felt here; outgrowing the place as quickly as his adolescent feet pushing up against the bedposts. Two brothers could not be more different. Yet they are both very powerful men, with enhanced spheres of influence. One is rural, the other is a kind of bucolic academe. I am writing at his boyhood desk. A desk he must have towered over. On the shelves by his bed, the books that have survived the pogrom of literature that lies trussed up in cardboard boxes in the pantry, makes for some curious reading: I see some classics, A Short History of Nearly Everything, for instance, other titles, strictly historical, biographies of Churchill and Roosevelt. He has a politician’s winning way. A big smile, inviting strong arms. He is urbane, natural and capable.
I seem to have gone off on a tangent. I suppose what I meant to write about was the realisations that I have been having on the mountainside: about education and what the wall means. One morning I called it the purest metaphor for teamwork I knew. I think this poeticism was lost on everyone but Maisa who is not one to miss a subtlety. What we are dong on the wall is anti-modern. It is in a way mad. I could write an essay about this wall, about the cost of moving one rock, about how it almost appears to me now to be genuinely the most beautiful structure I have ever seen. I begin to understand why people want to build the houses that they live in. Nothing can be as beautiful as the thing you build yourself and with those you love. Each brick means something, it has cost something. It has a literal blood price, a toll.
The only way to understand this mad exercise (building a dry stone wall on a mountain no-one ever visits, that will probably be demolished by Iceland’s harsh winter conditions within two winters), is to be poetic about it. The walk, the struggle, with them, with myself, leading a group to the absurd and back again. Yet today, especially in the sun, it all suddenly seemed to make sense. The beautiful structure was plain to see: its moderate simple beauty, its asymmetry and hand-made ad-hoc outline.
The silences today were also glorious. It was a smaller group as half went with F to the glacier. We were all very comfortable with each other, a special atmosphere tented us. Once more we proved all those motivational truisms correct. That is is not about might but motivation. Not the body but the mind. I could hardly believe, and neither could Thorvaldur, how much ground we gained today. It was a great victory over the wall. Perhaps 800 metres and in many sections we were placing foundations and cornerstones. And with apparently only four puny women and one in her seventies! I could hardly believe my eyes sometimes when I realised the weight of the boulders that I was rolling up and around clods of turf and rocks and pits. And it was not just me, I was inspired by everybody’s effort. I had to smile sometimes to see Chloe, slight as she is, clasping titanic boulders in her arms or rolling them across the rock-strewn ground.
We believed we could do it and we were. Then the rests between hours of rolling and tugging and heaving. Has moss ever felt so heavenly soft to strained back and sore muscles? I have never been so relieved to see sun and sink into the mossy pockets of the ground. Some of us leaned against lichen-etched rocks of the old wall and dozed in the sun. We became Thorvaldur’s true apprentices that day, lying like dreamy shepherd swain on the pillowed mountain top.
Behind us the evil rock was left to lie in its craterous hold, beaded with bright pink specks of blood.
833 words a day 